As I sit here, finally satisifed with making the webpage available to all of you, i dont feel that good. I expected more happiness out of this. But maybe I am expected to do this and I feel this aint a feat. 'How come you work with computers and dont have a website man!' Well because when I do I dont use Wix.com bitch! Now take your ugly ass fingernails off your leased macbook and finally get rid of that starbucks cup you ordered 4 hours ago Karen!
They dont want you sitting here, your ass is starting to grow roots!

So you might be thinking why this site is so poor in design. Well I am not a design guy per say. When most people talk about web design they think of some soy dev with lattes and a moustache (people from 2020 will relate) Anyway, i dont have a moustache and its too late for coffee. I guess that makes me a terrible web dev. I created this so that I have a habit of writing. And I hope this sticks. Anyway, I have tried to keep looks in the rear view mirror because if I dont, I will soon be installing REACT(ugh) with material UI again and which would easily make this website not runnable without 2 people working under me and drinking lattes as well. WTH do I need component specific loading anyway. If I change data, I will reload the whole page like a true man! I will try to come here everyday. Will miss a few for sure. I guess thats what motivation means when you are slowly growing old.
So what I did today was, well, woke up tired again because thePrimeagen had to say some shit about React again last night on youtube. Oh did I mention? I follow thePrimeagen btw. My DEV stats have increased tremendously over the last few days because of a thePrimeagen mention.
I wish I had the courage to be like him. With his blue hair and 2x0.5 keyboards. I feel like everything that man does is saying 'Skill Issue' and giving some very controversial opinions on technology. I like him. I hate him on some days as well. Well that day I end up watching more of his content.
I am signing off today. Have a long day tomorrow. Will be back. I am sorry internet but you will have to bear the burden of my thoughts. Because social media ain the shit anymore.
Oh I watch thePrimeagen btw, I didnt know if I mentioned!
PS: I hate CSS.

Hey. Now that I have some time before I change my mind and start to game, (MGSV) for the gamers out there. It's a nice game. I don't know what that makes you think of my personality but I really like stealth games. Anyway. So I had my birthday a few weeks back. Didn't feel much since, well, its just a birthday. It's like I am getting older and my body knows it but somehow my brain doesnt which pisses me off even more.

Let me elaborate. All of my friends are either very successful, or they code in golang at their job, which in itself is a huge flex. Here I am , sitting in a dimly lit room, typing our word after word of nonsense because internet is almost affordable and porn has been boring lately. Also because I am self hosting and I owe it to me. Anyway, I talked to a friend today. SP. I talked to him about how I am addicted to the Primes content. He advised against it, because of some reasons untold.

He is a smart gut. Yes. Gut. Fuck you. I meant gut. He is a smart gut.

Well SP and I were talking about thePrimeagen. All good words. (Cant take risk if he ever sees my site) I told him that I was tired of being a CRUD writer at my job. Wanted a new thing to focus on. I personally want to work at a video streaming company. I liked the way Theo and prime talk about video encoding and I know absolute jack shit about it. I am tired of CRUD apps anyway. I wanted to do something other than it. If you guys have any recommendations please, keep it to yourself for now because I havent set up mail on this domain yet. Also SP told me in order to learn Vim, I have to force myself to edit in real terminals and I cant just go and download a Vim plugin for intellij. Because , well , apart from a few keystrokes, I was still using the mouse. Which is not what a true developer does. And in an effort to becoming a better programmer , I have to limit myself to terminals. I can try and build software with UI for other devs, but I myself should try and stick to terminals. Sounds kinda strange. I wonder what the devs at jetbrains use to code jetbrains products. Anyway, I digress. I will try to watch Theo's video again about H264 and why its magic. But first things first, I finally decided to add CSS to my website. I mean seperately as a file. I am weak! But it will look nicer! Afterall you paid your ISP to snoop over you reading this! Atleast they should get something good out of this! I am doing it for your ISPs and the FBI mf who is decrypting your SSL as you speak.

Oh SP, if you are reading this, I am editing this in vim. yes in the terminal. No vscode. No Mouse. I am maintaining two buffers, and switiching between them blazingly fast. (I need to stop binging primeagen) Its not like I only watch him. But that doom video of his gave me chills. He is a fantastic engineer and the way he does things, it really motivates me. I also have started watching a lot of MGSV videos. Creative Stealth Kills. They take a lot of tries apparently . But boy oh boy it looks great!

Hey Internet! Back to back huh! Making some progress! Well. Journaling seems to be picking up the pace again in this day and age. So I wanted to get on the wagon before it has left. There isn't going to be another bitcoin. Trust me I know. I tried to make almost every other coin the next bitcoin. Never got rich. Don't be me. Don't invest in anything if you dont understand it. EVen if you do you might be misunderstanding. understand again! SO apparently I have been jounralling all wrong. I am supposed to be outlining the words and deets of my day in order from waking up till present. I just dont have an eventful day everyday. In fact I dont have eventful days in months at a stretch. I am boring. I guess thats evident. This seems to be a problem with my chatterbox of a girlfriend. She always has something to talk about and is pissed at me when I say my day was boring. Yes. I do have a girlfriend. Surprising, shocking and kind of a lie. Well no. It used to be a lie, it recently changed. Did I go back and apologize to the people whom I lied to ? Fuck no. Any way, I digress. So I woke up. Kind of early. For me atleast. I have started to notice that my mind has started to lose its power over me. Earlier one backtalk from the mind and I was back under the covers. But lately I have been feeling my own voice taking over the mind. I power through. Not all days though for sure. But yes.

I saw myself in front of the mirror again, hating the way my body looks, because , well I have been struggling with Body Dysmorphia for ages. As far as I remember. But I digress. After noticing the weird bump of fat and squeezing it , I brush and leave for work. I workout at work as well. By the time the air starts to crash on my helmet visor, I have forgotten about the body image issues I was pondering over a few minutes ago. There is something about the cool breeze of morning air that makes me forget about the worries of the day. Screech! I get stuck in a traffic jam. And that takes all the fun out of riding to work. The heat starts to creep up my shoulders and rub coal on the skin. I am stuck , sweating, smelly and late for work. Today was not a good day.

By the time I reach office, I was already late. I missed my workout. Just had breakfast and started to work. Oh and I talked to an intern who joined recently. Turned out he was getting paid twice of what I was being paid when I was one. That was extremely good for my ego. And well. I felt very good. I laughed at the HR reps who are surprised when the attrition rates tower over the stock growth rate per year and then they make powerpoints to understand where they went wrong. I have half a mind to tell them to go to this blog and read it. I didnt use powerpoint. But my point gets across. After that was work. I haven't been able to focus lately. idk if my ADHD is acting up again. It has been real difficult to focus. Plus I don't think my new team likes me that much.

Well I will try to make best with what I have. Today was an uneventful and a boring day anyway. My workouts also dont feel that good anymore. Maybe it will get better. Oh and I managed to squeeze a workout in after work today. Smelt like a mf after the cardio sesh. 15 mins. Anyway. See ya . I hope you had fun reading the most boring journal known to man.

Whoa Whoa! What the hell! I told you guys to wake me up when September Ends! Its already the 5th! Well, shit. Lets make up for lost time. Believe me, the 2 people who read this will be shocked and I am one of them.

Well, jokes apart, have been cheeky with my consistency, and by cheeky I mean fucking awful at it. Cheeky would't be the right word I am afraid. Sorry my avid blog readers. No, I am not dead, and yes, I wish I was. Just kidding. I promise to be more consistent.

Anyway, life has been pretty boring, apart from a few things. I am back at home now. Oh, many of you might not know, I went for a trip! Yes! Your friend has been to the mountains! Can't reveal much about the place (privacy) but oh my god! What a beaut! If you want pictures, well I wish I could mail them to you. Let me know if you really want them, and I would mail them. Let me drop my email here real quick. [email protected]. I will see if I can send you images of my trip!

I also stargazed and boy oh boy it was the experience of a lifetime. I also got a chance to see a spectacular shooting star, something I only saw in movies. My acquantainces told me, to make a wish. They didn't tell me that you aren't supposed to immediately tell everyone about what you wish. Well I did, and they all gasped and said that the wish will never come true. I wished for everyone to be happy and an end to world hunger. If they wanted they could have kept their sorry mouths shut and just let me wish my wish would come true. Sadist pigs. But, one should always go to the mountains atleast once in their lifetime. Really puts your whole life into perspective.

As time goes, I am realizing that I have lost the ability of having original thoughts altogether. I spend very little time with myself. When I say MYSELF I literally mean MYSELF. I catch myself going into some really fucked up places when I dont have the noise of my phone ' distracting me. but I have recently started wanting to spend more time just alone. With my thoughts. Let's see what the big'ol brain does, and where it takes me... However, dont worry, you all shall bear the wrath of them, no matter how stupid they are. Yes, I am planning to write all of them down here. Fuck you. I wonder where I lost it. I was a big 'talker to self' kid. Maybe it was because I had more time to be bored and wasn't doom scrolling in that sad little screen. I wonder if being bored was the right thing to do. And maybe that is what we , as a population, yearn to be... Yes, bored. Everyone is tired all the time... yeah! because we never give our brain a break, even when we are consuming 10sec content on Instagram! All of the skillsets that my parents have, such as , motor skills, a non-goldfish memory, adhd free brain, all these are possible only because they were bored most of the time during their formative years. So even the littlest bit of news would trigger their excitement and they would remember it forever. Like we remember the first time we kissed. hey, HEY! Quit thinking about your first kiss! No No! This is my blog and you owe this time to me! Ugh, fine , you finish. I will wait. (That's what he said. ) I just saw its already 20 mins since I started writing! I gotta go and hit the gym. See ya!
PS I have a lot of things to talk about. I haven't said shit all this time. Fuck you ADHD. Hey I just came back... Gotta figure out a wau to add timestamps as well to this site. Kind of like a log. I had the worst day at the gym. I got outlifted by my previous gym partner in every set of every freaking exercise. I feel like shit.
Maybe this is because of me being away for work in a far ass place. Anyway, I strangely feel good about coming home during the holidays. There is a certain spark. Or maybe its because of the fact that the entire city has dressed up like an Indian Bride on the day of her wedding. EOD feeling : Happy : 70% , Empty/Numb : 30% Signing off...

Oh and I started watching a new show called "3 Body Problem" . I hope this turns out okay. One of my good friends recommended watching anime. I am an anime noob so I guess I have to ask him what I should start with. I also realized he is kind of an anime buff. Better not offend him. I should text him soon. Anyway thanks for reading till here. Mail me if you wanna chat! Signing off... For real this time..

Consistency is like an orgasm. The longer it lasts, the better. And boy does it feel great when we kick start it after ages. Hey folks. Shall I add a visited counter to the site? To see it get increased by 3 every day. Would be nice. Let's see. What do we have today. Oh! I started to look through some open source projects and I made my first OS PR! Well, it was just tests to be written on the existing code. But it felt good. The project is really nice tho. Check it out. https://db2rest.com/. This project abstracts away the database application layer from being developed. Who will again write transaction-safe queries ? Not us. Oh and I went on a shopping spree and got some new clothes for myself. I never take out time for myself. Finally I did. An old friend called me up and wanted to hang out. I had always considered him to be a good friend. But I went on a trip with him and his friends recently and , well , he was a different person. I don't know if this is just me, and believe me I want it to be just me, but, somehow I felt he was being very rude to me in front of his friends for some reason. I felt pretty bad when he was doing this to me and I felt like the friendship was kind of a hoax. Today when he called me up , and wanted to hang out, I didnt feel the same excitement as I used to. I don't know. Don't get me wrong, he is a standup guy, has a good job, is well behaved and everything. But somehow I felt like what he is with me and me alone is completely different from what he is with me in front of his colleagues. I never confronted him about this. Nor do I plan to. What if all of this is just a fucking thing I cooked up inside my head? Okay. Lets not go down that road. I finally decided the songs I want to be played at my funeral (if I ever die)! Ready? Wonderwall (of-fucking-course) Another one bites the dust (What did you expect? Fucking coldplay?) Note: These songs are subject to change. Read all blog related documents carefully. PS: Please send me song ideas in the email I posted. Who knows your song might pop in the list! I guess that is it. Oh I got a haircut. Let me give a brief story of what happened there. So first of all, let me reiterate that I am back at home after months staying out of station for my job. The first thing I wanted to do was to go and get my hair trimmed. I used to have a special bond with the man who cut my hair. I walked briskly towards the shop, but alas, the entire building was demolished. The door where I once stood with hopes of looking like the next Brad Pitt now greeted me to a debris filled hell. I immediately rang my friend, let's call him D. D said the shop had moved to a new location altogether because the building they were leasing had been broken down for construction. Thankfully, the new shop was nearby. As I walked in, my barber, (Notice how I said MY barber?) sat me down and just started styling it. I tried to tell him about the style. He huffed and puffed and told me to keep calm. Halfway through the haircut I knew he fucked it up. I didnt want my sides done THAT short. How do you tell a man who loves you and insists on knowing what's the best for you that you grew up from the last time he saw you? Anyway, I kind of like the new cut. As I sit in front of my PC, my reflection in the glass pane in front of me does not say UGLY. It says, well , DIFFERENT. DIFFERENT but not downright UGLY. Maybe he did know what's best for me. Maybe it was too soon to call him all those names on the way back from the barbershop.

Okay I fucked up. I am not consistent. I am not even writing this on the same day. But to err is human and to forgive is divine. And to excuse is to pussy out. As you can see , I have caved and finally asked copilot to write css for me. Cant deny this shit looks good. Even made an admin page for me to edit all the jounrals online. I no longer have to write it locally and push it. Dont try to login yourself please.
I see you went there already. How was it? Anyway, nothing much, I have been having fun. Just busy with life I guess. I have been thinking about age. And how I want to age faster. I see everyone literally obsess with reverse aging or atleast stop aging. Some people have started making careers out of that too!
I kind of want to retire as early as possible. I cant wait to be 60 and just not give a flying fuck to what anyone says or does. I talked to an AI about this and it showed my why my thinking was correct. Who wants to be young and have responsibilties? I would rather be old and be a responsibility. What has being young ever given me? Insecurities, fear of being drafted in WW3 and insomnia. Turning old has its own side effects too I guess. Nobody really cares because old poeple wont grow up and live the dreams of their parents again. But those snotty babies can! That is why old people being a responsibility is a loss and not an investment. I have an email ID posted [email protected] . Please write to me if you want something to be present in this website. Signing off.

Journal Entry: June 15, 2025